Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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