the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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