Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
