Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
