I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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