I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
