My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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