Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
