Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
