What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
