I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
