Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
