I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
