I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
