I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
