I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
