So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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