Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
