I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
