And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
