If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize