Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
