omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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