is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
