so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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