I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
