the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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