I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize