Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
