3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
