I wish my penis had an off switch
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
