Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
