...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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