$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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