I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize