I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
