you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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