Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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