I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
