It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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