Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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