you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
