I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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