I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I die, sorry about rent.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
