there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
