I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
