After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
