its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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