I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
