Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
