you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
