she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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