remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
