Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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