im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
