Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
