it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
