Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
