how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
