I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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