ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
