so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
