Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
