we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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