Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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